Oh No He Didn’t! …When Mother Doesn’t Know Best
The off-handed comment was followed by laughter as the two guys exchanged looks. The only purpose to that remark could have been to rub salt in the wound and I could feel the anger building in my teenage son who was standing next to me.
All three of them were oblivious to me at this point. But I was there. Oh yes, I was there in all my motherly glory, and I was taking names and keeping score.
Oh no he didn't! …When mother *doesn't* know best. Click To TweetBut maybe I should broaden the brush a bit.
What Made My Mama-Blood Boil?
These teen guys were preparing for a youth event at our church and their attitudes were anything but Christ-like. (And yes, I may have been conveniently ignoring my own unholy anger… I’ll get there.)
They were laughing at my son because he was going to miss the funnest part of the weekend, and I was mad.
After dropping my son off at the church, I called my husband in a huff. Ranting and raving about just how wrong they were. He simply told me they sounded like normal teen guys, doing what normal teen guys do.
The nerve.
I told him of my grandiose plans to call the leader of their host home for the weekend and tattle suggest he teach them about loving like Jesus. My husband politely listened, knowing full well that I am an introvert and it wouldn’t be hard to talk me out of making that call (which he did).
I ranted for quite some time. He calmly rebutted every point I made. In the end, nothing had changed, I just felt really foolish and knew it was beyond my control.
Maybe that was the lesson I needed that day. Because, can I be honest and say that I am one fierce mama bear? If you do my kids wrong, or if I think you do, I become irrational. And quite frankly, it’s downright sinful.
Instincts Aren’t Often Inspired
Last fall, Parker J. Cole had me on her radio show on WPJC 104.5 and we talked about the spiritual war that surrounds our mama bear instincts. How when you find out someone did one of your babies wrong, you go into protection mode, not necessarily prayer mode.
And I’ve been noticing that about myself more and more lately. I find myself eyeing the girl that hit my daughter in gym class as she comes out of the school. Or we had a situation with one of the kids friends that was quickly resolved and everyone was forgiven… except I was the one who didn’t let it go. It was me who couldn’t move past it.
God has really been convicting me of this lately and that incident with the guys laughing at my son was just like the final nail in the coffin kind of thing. And, because God knows, it was at just the right time. The guys were at the church for the weekend and the girls were at a friends, so I had a ton of alone time to work through it.
I’m not saying I’m there. That I’ll get it right from here on out (I won’t). I’m just saying, I’m listening. That I’m aware of it. That I’m praying for my kids, and for those who do them wrong. Because I know my kids don’t get it right 100% of the time. And I don’t either.
No one does.
We all need grace.
I’m ready to stop hording it from those who hurt my kids.
Join The Conversation
There is so much more that I could say on this subject. So much more God is doing in my heart. But I’d love to hear from you.
How do you respond to people who hurt your kids? Whether it’s another kid on the playground or an adult who was out of line? Let me know in the comments below.
How do you respond to people who hurt your kids? Whether it's another kid on the playground or an adult who was out of line? Click To TweetBooks for Related Reading
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As much as I didn’t like it when another parent or adult told my kids they were doing something wrong, (similar situation, in some ways), I would remind my kids that other parents had rules that kids were supposed to respect, as well as we did.
It is hard when your kid is the victim of undue and unnecessary verbal abuse (that’s what I would call it), in a way, it teaches your child that there will be bumps in the road of life, not everyone is nice, or decent, and they will have to find a way to focus their attention on Jesus, pray to Him, and let Him take care of it. Sounds easy, but it isn’t, and it has to be prayed about, so it can be a “normal” response. God Bless you!
Thanks for stopping in, Janet. Being mistreated is never easy. I’m trying hard to teach my children to love others like Jesus, but this is probably my weakest area, because when others do them wrong, my mama instincts take over. It’s hard, but my sinful nature can be redeemed by Christ. There’s nothing normal about it, but Jesus can do it anyways.
So true. I saw this in my momma nature for the first time this summer. A friend of my daughter was not treating her well and I wanted blood. Whew that was eye-opening and humbling to have to confess and ask forgiveness for my mistakes.
Right? Mine was more subtle as I caught myself watching the girl come out of the school and I was like, “wow, that’s definetly not loving her like Christ.” And I had to think about the example I was setting for my kids.
This is such a hard question to answer! I have to remember that the opportunity is to teach my kids how to respond, not me.
We have a woman in our apartment complex that is terribly rude. She goes out of her way to belittle us to make herself feel better. She insulted my husband to my son (who is only 3!) and my blood was boiling. It was in that moment that I realized this situation needed to go from me into a teaching moment for my son. I had to teach him that people are going to say terrible things about us, and it is all how we respond. Do we respond like Jesus would or like our inner mama bear would?
Yes! That’s that root of it. We always have a choice. Do we want to reflect Christ, or not? What a great way to put it.
Ugh, why do I forget to go to prayer FIRST?
I don’t know, but I’m right there with you. Worse yet, when one of my friends suggests it, sometimes I don’t want to. I know it’s the right thing, but when my babies have been wronged, I’m not always quick to forgive… I’m working on it.
One of my son’s teachers called me a “bulldog” because of the way I advocated for him in school. She meant it as a compliment, but I’m not sure I liked the comparison! Even so, prayer should have been my #1 go-to tool, and I’m sure there are times I did not. Great reminder!
There are a lot of times I do not… which is why I’m so thankful for God’s grace.
I’m with you! I really struggle with doing the Godly thing when someone messes with my family. My husband is great at reminding me of that, which gets my dander in an even bigger lather. But he’s right. It’s up to us to show our kids how to respond. It’s hard, but with Gofs help, we can do it.
Yes! When I am in the middle of venting my anger, the last thing I want is to be reminded that I’m not being Christ like, but it’s just what I need.
Oh man! This hit me right in the hard spot! I was just having the conversation with my husband about having to surrender sections of my life to Christ after surrendering my life. I find that it’s easier for me to surrender my will but not that of my kids! Protection mode, instead of prayer mode, that sounds right! Remembering that they are His first is hard to do most days but even harder when we feel like they need us!
I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s easy to trust God with our children when everything is going smoothly. But when we feel like they need us, slowing down and trusting Jesus to be our guide, surrendering to Him… well, that’s a whole different story.
I think you make some great points! Our instincts are important in certain situations, but it’s really easy to let negative knee-jerk reactions take over.
Definitely. Not all motherly instincts are bad. They can be life savers. But, when they don’t align with God’s will… when they don’t reflect Christ, that’s when we run into trouble.
OH boy, am I a fierce mama bear. But God loves my kids even more than I do, and His justice is perfect.
I just wrote a post about loving as God loves. How Jesus did not defend himself when harassed, arrested, beaten, and crucified. He held his tongue and let God, who is just, handle it. It’s hard! So hard, but necessary if we are to make any kind of difference in this cruel world.
You are so right, Nicole. necessary, but hard. Such a perfect way to word it.
I definitely have to be so careful of this. I love my babies, and I am not happy with anyone who does wrong by them, but I read something the other day that really struck me. God loves them more. As upset as people who hurt my babies make me, God feels the same way, I have to give both my hurt and my babies to Him even when my anger is boiling over. Thanks for this eye opening Word.
Thanks for stopping in, Brittany. God does love our children more. We can trust that He can handle whatever life throws their way. But it’s still hard to step back sometimes. To breathe deep and surrender.
Great. Now I feel convicted. Just had a similar situation yesterday and let my emotions get the better of me. A very timely word for me. Thank you!
So glad God brought you here at just the right time!
It’s so hard to fight our “mama bear” instincts! But God always knows best. 🙂
Amen!
It’s so hard when you feel like someone else is messing with your kids. In my case, unless it’s a physical altercation, I simply try to help my own child understand how they can react. People won’t always do what we think they should, but we can hold to a higher standard!
So true!
OH.. well. I get pretty defensive. It depends on the offense / offender.
Some creeper tries to grab my kid… I’m going full grizzly bear on crystal meth!
If another kid is rude, I just try to help my kid navigate it. I will tell other kids if they are out of line – but I try to have the same grace as i would have for my own kid..
Most of the time, honestly, in the moment I don’t think of what I really want to say or do right away. I usually think of what I should’ve done later.
But this question begs a bigger question I was pondering earlier today… what are the limits of grace? Are there limits to the grace we should have on others?
I’m an post-thinker as well. After it’s all said and done, I think about how it should have gone down. What I should have said. Thankfully, in the situations I mentioned above, I never acted on my anger, it was just welling up inside. But I know even that was wrong. It was sinful and unloving.
I love your bigger question. The first thing that comes to mind is a song we sing at church that says God’s grace is greater than all our sins. And several years ago (over a decade now) I read a book about grace that said there shouldn’t be any limits on grace. There were no conditions. No buts. No qualifications. But I always want to put them there. I guess I don’t know the real answer, but it’s a great question. Something to ponder for sure.
It is so hard to show restraint when Momma’s cubs are hurt. Yes, I have reared my ugly head and let it roar from time to time. I will say sometimes it has been the right choice when injustice was being done and sometimes I have kept silent when I shouldn’t. Discerning prayer is what is needed and a little time between the incident.
Usually, it hasn’t involved other children but more on the side of adults. I am embarrassed to say one time I went in for a confrontation and walked out drinking the other person’s diet coke. I somehow picked it up thinking it was mine and left with it. My child was the one that pointed it out. I was a bit embarrassed.