Lord, I Need You

The moment the text that reads “Mom, I can’t breathe” came flashing through my phone screen, was the moment that my heart almost forgot to beat.

My 23 year old son has struggled with asthma since he was two years old. Every year as the seasons change there is always that fear of the many back and forth trips to emergency rooms. This day in late January was the first trip to the ER.

My momma’s heart was aching and my prayers were constant.

Once he was treated he was able to come home and of course he slept all day. His body was recovering.

The Fallout

Over the next three days my body started hurting more and more. My legs and hands were numb and tingling and fatigued. I was exhausted. I couldn’t write and could barely hold things in my hands.  At night, I laid in bed restless, sleep evading me. I heard a simple whisper… “Blood Sugar.”

The next morning I went to the pharmacy to purchase a blood sugar monitor. My blood sugar was 350. I went to acute care and there they told me what I already knew. I have type 2 diabetes and I was not doing well.

The Dr. looked at me and said “It looks like you know quite a bit about Diabetes.”

My response was “More than I ever wanted to know.” Both my parents had diabetes. My dad for as long as I could remember and my mom got it when I was in my twenty’s. The rest of that day was spent with my husband driving me around to the pharmacy to try and find the correct insulin. The pharmacy that the Doctor originally sent the prescription to didn’t have that one in stock. I was exhausted and in so much pain.

Then it Got Worse…

The next day I slowly made my way down the stairs and there was my son at the bottom of the stairs contemplating if he was going to come up the stairs or not looked at me and said “Mom, can you grab my inhaler?” So I went to his room, grabbed his inhaler, and brought it down.

I put the tea kettle on the stove to make him a cup of tea and went back upstairs for a moment. By the time I made it downstairs he was in a full blown asthma attack, worse than any I had seen him have.

I picked up the phone to call 911. It was one of the worst calls I have ever had to make.

Trying to keep him calm and keep the younger kids out of sight without leaving his side was difficult. 7 giant firefighters and paramedics came walking through our front door. They treated him, kept him calm and took him to the hospital.

Now we were both recovering while my 20 year old daughter took over my eating plan. Her goal is to get me healthy again. 

Life is Hard

By Sunday that same week, we were back in the ER for my son’s breathing.

Now we are at

• 3 asthma attacks in one week
• a 911 call
• a ride in an ambulance
• a diabetes diagnosis
• an icky cold going through the family one person at a time
• and a kitchen overhaul.

Our lives look very different than the month before. 

“Lord, I Need You.”

This is where I sat with God and said “Lord, I need you.”

I never felt my faith wavering but I knew that it needed to be said out loud. “Lord, I need you.”

The only way I knew to make it through this was to turn to God.

Hebrew 4:14 says ‘So then, we must cling in faith to all we know to be true. For we have a magnificent King-Priest,  Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who rose into the heavenly realm for us, and now sympathizes with us in our frailty.’ 

This is how I stay grounded in truth and in my faith paired with knowing who Jesus is: Healer of all things emotional, spiritual, and physical.

It is easy to get lost in the mix of our ailments and struggles but in Hebrews 4:16 it says ‘So now we draw near freely and boldly to where grace is enthroned, to receive mercy’s kiss and discover the grace we urgently need to strengthen  us in our time of weakness.’

Staying Grounded When Life is Hard

My prayer. So simple: “Lord, I need you.”

This is where He strengthens me. This is where my faith holds steady. 

Psalm 1:3 says in the passion translation ‘Confidently approach the throne room. He will be standing firm like a flourishing tree planted  by God’s design, deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every season of life. He is never dry, never fainting, ever  blessed, ever prosperous.’

I am constantly drinking of God’s stream to ensure no matter the season, I am never dry and always bearing fruit.

Holding on When Life is Hard

Clinging to Jesus

Sometimes life consumes us. Whether it’s our health that’s failing us, our loved ones who are suffering, or situations that are overwhelming us with stress, the most important thing we can do is cling to Jesus. When we put our hope in Him, God can give us strength and encourage our spirits… even when life is hard. Especially when life is hard. That’s why Heather wrote Clinging to Jesus.

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