• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Candidly Christian

Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith.

  • Blog
    • Most Recent
    • The Gospel
    • Faith
    • Prayer
    • Self Worth
    • Anxiety
    • Chronic Pain
    • Marriage
    • Parenting
  • Resources
    • Candid Books
    • Free Resources
    • Recommended Resources
    • Resources For Christian Bloggers
      • Blog Post Checklist
      • Christian Link-Ups
  • Scriptures to Live By
    • Bible Verses for When the Struggle is Real
      • Bible Verses for When You Feel Worthless
      • Scriptures for When Your Heart is Hurting
      • A Scripture To Trust God When You’re Afraid
      • Scriptures for When You Feel Inadequate
      • 3 Scriptures to Find Balance in an Unbalanced World
      • 5 Bible Verses for When You Feel Alone
      • 6 Bible Verses to Read When You Feel Anxious
      • 5 Life Gives You Lemons Verses
    • Scriptures for When You Need Help
      • Scriptures to Help You Overcome Self-Pity
      • Bible Verses to Help You Memorize Scripture
      • 5 Bible Verses to Help You Sleep
    • Scriptures to Live By When You’re Living for Jesus
      • Bible Verses About Hope
      • Bible Verses About God’s Love
      • 5 Bible Verses on Patience
      • Scriptures for the New Year
  • Learn More
    • About Our Ministry
    • Meet The Candid Gals
    • Contact Us
    • Belief Statement
    • The Legal Stuff
  • Get Involved
    • Join Our Prayer Team
    • Join Us For A Candid Anthology
    • Be Our Guest
    • Become a Candid Gal
    • Contact Us
  • Why Jesus?
  • Show Search
Hide Search
Church Hurt & Overcoming It

Church Hurt & Overcoming It

Stephanie Carter · October 16, 2017 · 20 Comments

Hold on, hold on. She sent me a nasty email. How dare she do that! I have just been wronged.  By a woman in the church. She wasn’t supposed to do that. I was doing a good job. Wasn’t I? That was the beginning of one of my experiences with church hurt.

I’m sure you have at some point been hurt by someone– family member, friend, co-worker.  If you have been a part of a local church body you probably have been hurt by someone in church too. If you haven’t, hold on, you will.

Church hurt. It can be some of the worst hurt ever. A lot of us go into church with the idea that we are safe there. We feel it’s a place to be who we are and to be loved and accepted. Shortly after we get involved in a church and give or lives in service somewhere getting connected with people we realize that is not a true reality.

The reality that we thought we would find in church is not what is actually found. Instead, we find another group of people. We find people with the same wounds we have. Same experiences of hurt and pain, loss and failure and anger and jealousy that we saw outside of church.

Church Hurt Comes In Many Shapes and Sizes

I was sort under this impression when I began going to church and serving many years ago. I used to sing in the choir, and I remember soon discovering that if you can’t sing as well as sister so-and-so, you better now try to lead a song. You would get the eye and the looks of “why don’t you usher” instead. I had forgotten how painful those experiences were. It was enough to get up in front of people and put on the choir robe and sing anyway, let alone lead a song. Did they have to be so judgmental in their looks when I didn’t hit a note perfectly. I was singing to the Lord after all. He didn’t mind if I was off-key a little. Did He?

Years passed and I graduated to leading small groups at my church. I specifically remember leading a group thinking I was doing a great job. I love leading groups of women and people were responding. While I was in training, I felt I was connecting with the women there and doing a good job. Only later to be found with a nasty email by a woman in my group that said I was a horrible small group leader and worse.

Why Church Hurt Hurts Worse

I was so hurt. I was walking in the utmost level of integrity in my small group. Always on time. I was helping them. Giving them my time outside of group. I was studying for group. I was doing it right. But, this woman couldn’t see my heart and she was upset about some small incident that I had no idea was an incident.

To be quite honest with you, I was offended. Offended by someone’s words, written to me even though I was giving that person the best of me. I was doing the right thing. But yet, the pain of offense was horrible. I had, at that moment to make a decision on how to handle her and her email. I knew if I stayed offended, ministry would be very hard for me and I would not please the Lord. Church hurt felt bad in my moment. I was serving this woman and found it hard to look at her after her scathing email of me. It hurt because what she thought of me was not right and misleading and not who I was. I wanted her to know the truth. But because she was so offended I knew she wouldn’t listen. I had no defense.

3 Ways to handle church hurt Click To Tweet

Related Post: The Other Side of Church Hurt

3 Ways to Handle Church Hurt

What about you? How do you handle church hurt? I have three ways to share that might help.

1.) Forgive.

Simply stated, harder to do, but absolutely necessary. Forgive the person or persons that hurt you in church. Realize that they probably didn’t mean it and if they did, that is not your problem. Let it go. Forgive. Tell God about how you feel and no one else. Do not spread the hurt around and cause more people to be offended. Forgive twice as much as you talk about it.

2.) Love.

Love the person that wronged you. Do something nice for them. Give a kind word, compliment their outfit, buy them lunch or coffee, smile at them, and love them from the heart. Be kind to them. You never know what that person is going through in their own personal life. They may simply need a kind gesture to soften their heart.

3.) Pray.

Prayer is a stronger weapon than anything someone else can use against you. You need to pray for the person that hurt you. Pray for their eyes to be open to how they hurt you. Pray for them to repent of their actions or words towards you. We need to pray for their own hurt to be healed. Pray for God to bless them.

Overcoming Church Hurt

Be determined to let nothing stand in the way of your relationship with God. Not anger, unforgiveness, hatred, offense or your own hurt. Trust God with the situation that hurt you and let it go. See them the way God sees them.

Finally, remember that nothing can take away your pain from church hurt but God. He is gracious and loving to you and to the person that hurt you. I forgave the woman that hurt me and eventually got to the place I could speak to her again at church. Seeing her brought no more pain as it once did. God truly will heal all of our hurts when we surrender them to Him and Him alone.

Selah.

Join the Conversation

Have you had an experience with church hurt? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Tell us your experience or your own tips for handling it.

Related Posts

  • God Speaks Your Language
  • The Chaos of Life & How It Impacts My Self-Worth
  • 5 Scriptures to Help You Overcome Self-Pity
  • Forgiveness: How to Give to Others as Jesus Gave to You
  • God Loves You – A Candid Moment Guest

About Stephanie Carter

Stephanie is an author, Bible teacher, and course creator as well as a mom of two sons. She is a passionate lover of Jesus Christ. She has her Doctorate in Theology and resides in the Atlanta, Georgia area. She is a prayer counselor with the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and a women's life coach. Her purpose in life is to instill discipline, integrity, and uncompromising spirit of character within women. You can find out more about Stephanie by visiting StephanieMCarter.com.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Heather Hart says

    October 16, 2017 at 8:44 am

    Church hurt isn’t fun, no matter what side of it you’re on. I’ve been on the other side. We offended someone unintentionally. It hurt us that we hurt them. I love your three steps to overcome. Prayer, forgiveness and love, you can’t go wrong with those.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      October 17, 2017 at 6:15 am

      Ooh wow. We never usually think that we are on the other side usually just the victim. Thanks. Great point. Personally inventory time.

      Reply
  2. Keisha Russell says

    October 16, 2017 at 10:20 am

    I think to some degree we have all had experience in this area. Church hurt can totally wreck your world. Each of the tips you have given is perfect for dealing with this type of situation. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:47 am

      Yep it can wreck us.

      Reply
  3. Jess says

    October 16, 2017 at 10:44 am

    Waiting to respond until I’ve talked to God has always been my best defense for an offensive remark. He calms my emotions and clears away my perceptions to help see beyond my hurt. I have also learned that forgiveness is something that needs to be exercised constantly- it’s not a one time thing. Just as loving requires constant exercising, forgiveness also requires it so asking God to help is crucial to be able to endure!

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:46 am

      Yes we all have experienced if we are in any church I believe… it is really sad but it happens

      Reply
  4. Melissa says

    October 16, 2017 at 10:51 am

    Church hurt is a hard one! We open ourselves up to our church family in ways we don’t necessarily allow others, like co-workers to know us. We expect more from our Christian friends and then when they hurt or offend us it hurts all the more. These are great tips to healing our church hurt! God bless!

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 16, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      Thank you. Yes Church hurt is awful…. I agree it hurts worse than non church hurt because we expect more. I have learned to expect nothing. Hurt will happen. It is what it is and it will happen in church too.

      Reply
  5. Bryana Camille Braxton says

    October 16, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Church hurt is so hard. As a bible study leader on a college campus, I see this so much in my fellow students. So many people grow up in the church and turn away when they go off to school. Thanks for sharing this advice.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:48 am

      Thank you. They need you on college campus. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  6. Alicia says

    October 16, 2017 at 1:17 pm

    Thanks for sharing this. Believers can NEVER walk around in offense. In fact, scripture says that if we don’t forgive our brother, then our heavenly Father won’t forgive us! We have to be ever-mindful that He is our shield and defense. And we must walk aware of who HE is in us, and who we are IN HIM. Thank you for being transparent and being such an encouragement.

    Reply
  7. Julie says

    October 16, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Ugh! Is the word I can only write!
    We talk about extending grace to others but when we’re in church it seems like grace is abandoned. We all have gifts and we need each other to be the complete body of Christ here on earth.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 16, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      So well said… thank you for your comment.
      So sad we see this in the church and its the main reason so many people leave the church and we as women do not trust other women

      Reply
  8. Andrea says

    October 16, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    Very simple, but very profound – and sometimes Step 2 is the hardest step of all

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:49 am

      yes I do believe it is…. but with God

      Reply
  9. Alice Mills says

    October 16, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    This is wonderfully written. I could feel the hurt and the humor. Church hurt really is wounding. I wish that it could be avoided but those kinds of experiences push us towards maturity.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:50 am

      Funny how He turns our hurt to laughter…. I remember being so hurt by this and funny thing is this person is not even at my church anymore… did the damage and left. Im so glad God is God and not me

      Reply
  10. Kristi says

    October 17, 2017 at 12:46 am

    Church hurt is horrible but your recommendations are the right way to go.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Carter says

      October 17, 2017 at 8:50 am

      Funny how He turns our hurt to laughter…. I remember being so hurt by this and funny thing is this person is not even at my church anymore… did the damage and left. Im so glad God is God and not me

      Reply
  11. Doris G Morris says

    October 18, 2017 at 7:04 am

    When taken aback with a sharp response from anyone, be it church related, family or friend related, I’ve learned in my 70 plus years to consider where the other person is coming from. As we all know especially at church, many who are hurting have no choice but to wear a mask of, “I’m fine” in order to just make it to church. Generally speaking we don’t know who they are but if we don’t speak to them they get hurt. So, it’s not a matter of what we say but of what we don’t say. We learn of this by the grapevine or you’re given the silent treatment until you apologize. I believe there is a place in Holy Spirit where mature Christians are not offended but rather have forgiven already. Bruce Hebel calls it “Forgiving Forward”. When we know who we are in Christ and are secure in Him, why then can we not be wronged as He was. No! It does not feel good especially when our intentions were honorable. I fail miserably at times, however Jesus is my example not my Pastor, not my sister or friend. So we go into our closet an shut the door. Turn on worship music and give Him worship He deserves. We don’t even have to throw up our offense to Him. He just takes care of it while you’re worshiping Him. Prayer is not always words. ??☕️

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Let's Get Candid

Let’s Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Recent Posts

  • Love the Sinners
  • 6 Things to Consider When You Are at a Crossroad
  • Running Our Race
  • How Do You Embrace The Day?
  • Cast Your Care

Recent Videos

Weekly LinkUps

Salt and Light Grace and Truth

More Christian Link-Ups

Candid Conversations

Click here to find out more.

Our Most Popular Posts

  • 5 Verses to Help You Overcome Self-Pity
  • 5 Bible Verses for When You Feel Worthless
  • 3 Steps to Overcome Laziness
  • My (winning) Battle with Health Anxiety
  • Confessions of a Woman in Ministry

Support Our Ministry

Christian Books
Prayer Team
Visit Heather's Etsy Shop
Support Candidly Christian
Please note that CandidlyChristian.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program.
Click here to find out more

Who’s Behind The Scenes?

Heather Hart
Candidly Christian was founded by Heather Hart; an internationally best-selling and award-winning author with a passion for the gospel of Jesus and a heart for women’s ministry. Her goal isn’t to teach women how they can do better, be better, or achieve perfection, it’s to point them to Jesus.

Click here to learn more about Heather Hart and the rest of the Candid Gals.

Posts by Author

Catherine Wilson
Heather Hart
Jaime Hampton
Mariel Davenport
Sarah J Callen
Sheila Schweiger-Rhodes
Sherry Chamblee
Stephanie M. Carter
Valerie Riese
See Your Name Here
Candid Guests

Our Favorite Planner

The Hope Planner
Affiliate Link

Candidly Christian Has Been Featured On…

Grace and Truth Link-Up Christian Blogger Directory

Top Christian Women Blog

© 2016–2022 | Privacy | Home

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Do not sell my personal information.
Cookie SettingsAccept
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT