How to Forgive Yourself After an Abortion is a guest post written by Erica Wyatt
The fear that permeated through my body was indescribable. I never knew that one person could feel so many emotions all at once. I was disgusted, afraid, anxious, confused and most of all downright angry.
I was angry at myself for once again being in a situation that I never thought I would experience. I was so tired of making one bad decision after the next, and I just wanted to throw in the towel. Not only was I angry with myself, but I could feel myself moving past anger and closer to hatred for the person that I felt had forced me into this unthinkable position.
I felt so alone because when I told my parents about my predicament, they assured me that they could not support my decision. I don’t think they realized how much humility it took for me to share my heart with them. I was devastated by their reaction and felt even more helpless and hopeless.
They were unaware of the humiliation that I faced before reluctantly deciding to give them a call. If you will, please travel back with me to the year of 1998. I was a sophomore in college and even though I was excelling in my academics, I was failing miserably in the relationship department.
I had made the decision to date a guy who was enlisted in the Air Force. There were so many red flags from the start, you would have thought I had to be blind not to see them. Now, let’s fast forward to the day I found out I was pregnant. Not only did I discover I was pregnant on this day, I was also told that my current boyfriend was engaged to be married to another woman.
During our conversation, he assured me that he would never acknowledge the child that I was carrying. Needless to say, I ended that conversation with a broken heart and a crushed spirit. I didn’t think that I would ever recover from that type of betrayal.
I made the phone call to my parents seeking reassurance that in spite of the unbearable hurt and rejection I had just experienced, everything would somehow be alright.
When I didn’t receive the much needed words of comfort and support from my parents, I made a decision that I never fathomed would be a part of my life story. I decided that I could not bring this baby into the world. I was terrified to think that I would have to raise a child without a father and without the support of my parents. In that instance, I had decided there was no other alternative.
I Had an Abortion
After convincing myself that abortion was the only answer to my current situation, I called the only friend that I knew wouldn’t judge me or ask a lot of questions. Just as I thought, she agreed to drive me to the clinic where the abortion would take place without needing to know any of the details that led up to this moment.
I thought the day that I went through with the abortion would forever be the worst day of my life. What I never anticipated was all of the hurt, guilt and shame I would experience for years to come after laying on that cold table and having a life extracted from my body.
My life was never the same after that day. I didn’t realize that over the years, the anger and resentment would just continue to build until it was almost impossible for me to recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror.
Years later at the age of 25, I decided to re-dedicate my life to Christ. This was the beginning of a very long journey of healing and deliverance. It took many years to even be able to talk to God about the hurt that I was still carrying from my decision to have an abortion six years before.
Since my abortion, I had given birth to other children. As I raised my children, I would find myself wondering how it would have been to give birth to the child I aborted. Those thoughts would bring on the emotions of guilt, shame and regret. “What type of mother would make the decision to abort any child?” That was a question that I asked myself over and over again.
I knew that God had forgiven me, but I struggled to forgive myself. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be let off the hook for taking the life of an innocent baby. My heart was shattered into pieces, and I didn’t think God could ever make me whole again.
God Heals All Wounds
I shared this story with you because I need for you to know that God eventually healed my wounds, and He can do the same for you.
In the book of Psalm 34:18, scripture reminds us:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I have lived out this scripture because it was only the love of God that healed my broken heart and restored my crushed spirit.
If you are walking in shame, guilt and condemnation today because you have experienced the pain of abortion, I want to encourage you to allow God to heal you. Receive His forgiveness and forgive yourself.
How to Forgive Yourself After an Abortion
I want to leave you with a word of encouragement from Romans 8:1-2
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
If you are struggling to forgive yourself because of a past mistake or failure, I want to encourage you to make today the day you embrace the power of God’s love to heal you.
If you are ready to start your journey towards healing, comment below, “I receive my healing.”
About the Author
Dr. Erica Wyatt is an author, Christian educator, content creator and the founder of A Life Inspired Training Academy. Her mission in life is to inspire and empower Christian women to become amazingly confident in their God-given identity and walk boldly in their purpose. She is a single mother and a first generation PhD graduate and her entire life is a testimony to the grace and unconditional love of Jesus Christ. You can find out more about her by visiting alifeinspiredacademy.com