My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I didn’t know how much time I had before he walked back in that door. I ran through the house, grabbing everything I thought we’d need for the days ahead. My hands were sweating. I didn’t know what to do next. All I knew was that I had to get my children out.

This was one of many horrible episodes we lived through. Quietly, I had been making plans to leave. But never did I plan for this. This was life in real time, and I had to adjust.

There were no perfectly labeled boxes. I had no time for those luxuries. I took all the large black trash bags I could find and stuffed our things into them. My sister’s borrowed trailer was just what we needed to transport our things to the next home.

This was my life. This was my hard work and dedication. It was now in shambles. In this moment, I had no guarantees of what tomorrow would bring.

In the middle of that half-empty house with trash bags at my feet, I learned what God’s strength in weakness feels like.

Holding it All Together

Before that day, I was holding everything together, just praying nothing would fall apart. I was the glue for all the pieces.

When others stopped, I kept going. Staying up while everyone slept to put back what had been scattered. Remembering what everyone needed and solving problems before anybody knew they existed. Running through all the ways to keep my family together.

I didn’t arrive at leaving easily. I had spent so much time trying to fight for what we built. Believing there had to be something else I could do.

On the outside, I just kept going. But down in my heart, I was exhausted. None of it worked. There was so much tension in our home. I was holding my breath and bracing for impact. The day came when I couldn’t pretend that everything was okay.

God’s Strength in Weakness

I remember looking around at rooms where our things used to be. Everything looked different when life was removed. Every bag I stuffed made this moment feel more real.

There I stood in the middle of my greatest fear. It was over.

I didn’t feel fearless. I had an idea, a plan in motion, but I still did not know exactly how everything was going to work out. While I was going through the kitchen drawers, a sudden calm came over me. Nothing around me changed, but in a moment there was peace. The racing thoughts slowed their pace. My heart began to steady its beat. I knew it was time to move.

I’d heard this verse so many times, and it floated into my head in that moment: “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” (Isaiah 40:29 NLT) I was weak and felt powerless. This was me.

But God showed up.

I thought God helped the women who tried hard enough. But His help was something I didn’t have to earn.

When my strength gives out, He will show up.

Strength that Didn’t Depend on Me

I almost missed the lesson God was teaching me in that season. His strength never depended on me. I didn’t suddenly have it figured out. There were practical things to sort out, and days when fear tried to creep back in. But His power kept me moving.

In moments when I thought fear would take over, there was His peace. I didn’t know what life would look like after the pain. He helped me realize I did not have to know.

The Lord’s words to Paul hit different:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV)

I was too weak and had nothing left. He gave me the power to leave a home that had become unsafe.

If you have nothing left, this verse will give you hope. His strength will carry you through the journey ahead.

Reaching the End of Yourself Is Not Failure

I treated my weakness like something to be ashamed of. Pushing past fatigue and disappointment didn’t make me a hero.

I was told that a strong woman would be able to handle it. Handle her home, her kids, and keep her family going. A more faithful woman would pray harder. A better Christian would have more patience. It was my job to fix him, fix me, and make it work.

Eventually, I had to admit something I never wanted to: I could not fix anything.

I had prayed for God to strengthen my plan. Help me hold our lives together. Give me enough endurance to keep going.

I had made it to the end of myself. My prayers changed. I stopped asking God to strengthen my plans. I started asking, Show me Your way.

It was a victory, not a defeat. I was never meant to carry it all on my own. None of us were.

Tired of Holding It All Together

Do you know what it feels like to be the glue? I know how scary it feels to loosen your grip on the course of your life. There’s something I learned along the way. My weakness did not keep me from God’s help. It put my heart in a place to receive.

Instead of trying to hold it all together, I let God hold me close. He is the One who holds it all together (Colossians 1:17). I can tell Him I’m tired and I don’t know what to do. I can admit with no shame that what I’m carrying is too heavy.

Jesus never asks me to be strong enough. He simply says:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 ESV)

I learned that my strongest moments began with admitting, I can’t do this anymore. God, I need You. I began to put my trust in Him and not myself.

When strength runs out, allow God to step in. You were not made to be the glue.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26 ESV

About the Author

Adraine Chapman is a daughter of the King, mother, and doctoral graduate. She is passionate about helping women see God’s presence in their process. Her writing centers on faith, motherhood and leaning on God’s strength in every season of life.