When Your Child No Longer Believes in God

Have you ever had one of those heart-stopping moments?

Those moments when it almost seems like the world stops turning and you know everything is going to change in an instant?

My daughter started the conversation by talking about a trip she had taken with a teacher and some other girls in her class. She said one of the girls had said her parents were really into church and she was afraid to tell them that she no longer considered herself a Christian. So, my daughter wanted to know what would her dad and I do if one of our kids told us that…

I won’t say that I panicked, but I knew there was more to the question than the casual way she worked it into the conversation. While I hoped she was being forthright, I knew my answer would carry weight and be something I could back up with action. And my heart was breaking.

I didn’t know the details, but I knew something was coming.

So, I answered honestly and as calmly as I could.

What Would You Do If Your Child No Longer Believes in God?

I told her that we wouldn’t “do” anything. I’ve known since my children were small that they would have to choose Jesus for themselves. I’ve heard preachers say, “God doesn’t have any grandchildren.”

Faith is personal.

While we can pass down what we believe to our children, the final decision about whether or not they accept Jesus as their savior is theirs and theirs alone.

So that’s what I told her. I told her it would break our hearts if they didn’t choose Jesus, but that we would love them just the same. That seemed to satisfy her and the conversation turned to other things. But that moment stuck with me.

Related Post: 3 Things to Do When Your Teen Tells You They Don’t Believe in Jesus

As we moved forward, I didn’t know what the future would hold, but I knew I had to ground myself in my faith. I believe that Jesus loves my daughter even more than I do. And either I trust Him with her soul or I don’t. While my heart was breaking, my faith insisted I leave the situation in God’s hands.

Sure enough, later on, she admitted that she was the girl she was talking about. She believed Jesus might have been a real person, but not that He was born of a virgin and is the Savior of the world. She believes in God, but not necessarily what the Bible says about Him.

When Your Child No Longer Believes in God

When my kids were still small, I was part of an online community for Christian moms. Someone there made the comment that God can save our children despite our best efforts. They reminded us younger moms that it isn’t up to us to save our children, only God can do that. The only thing we are responsible for is our own witness and our own walk with God. We have to leave our children in God’s hands and remember that He loves them even more than we do.

That’s something that has stuck with me over the years and is something I’ve leaned back on over the past year especially. My daughter’s faith isn’t up to me. I don’t know what God has planned for her, but I can trust Him with her heart and soul.

I know that even during this time, God is building her testimony. Some day, she’s going to be able to connect with someone because of this time in her life.

While it’s true that her words hit me hard because of the depth of my faith, it’s because of that some depth of faith that I’m not a complete and total mess.  

I won’t say that I’ve handled it perfectly, but it’s not hard to love her. She’s my daughter. And while I want her to spend eternity with me in heaven, all I can do is love her for every moment we have together.

I do hope that she sees that the love I have for her is shaped by the love Jesus has for us both. But regardless of the outcome, I want her to know she is loved.

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Faith that Works

I firmly believe that one of my spiritual gifts is faith. I have a pretty black and white view of my beliefs. Either I believe something is true, or I don’t.

In the gospels, Jesus talked about having faith like a mustard seed and how just such small faith can move mountains. So instead of looking at the big picture, I focus on the small stuff.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” When I read that verse, I ask myself: do I believe that’s true? If so, I can rest in that truth.

Romans 8:28 says that God can work all things together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That means all things. Even this.

In Matthew 10 Jesus says that all of our hairs are numbered and that we are of more value than many sparrows. That’s true for my daughter just as it is for me. I have to believe God loves her more than I do and trust her in His care.

That’s definitely easier said than done, but when I struggle trusting God, I remember a story in the Bible. It’s found in Mark 9. There is a father who brings his boy to Jesus to be healed from an unclean spirit. The disciples couldn’t heal the boy, so he was brought to Jesus. The father says, “If you can do anything, please have compassion and help us.”

And Jesus, I can just picture His indignation, He says, “If you can? All things are possible for one who believes.”

So the dad says, “I believe, help my unbelief.”

That’s what I find myself praying in the moments of doubt. I do believe, but help my unbelief.

Tune In: Heather was a guest on Thrive by The Rising Muse to speak about this topic.

Our Children Have to Believe for Themselves

Our children are only in our care for a few short years, eventually, all children leave home and embark on their own futures. At some point they will make a decision about their faith.

Will church be important to them or not?

Do they love Jesus or do they not?

It’s not about whether they will wrestle with their faith or not, but a matter of when.

My daughter is going through this now, and we still have time with her at home to pour into her and encourage her faith. We still have time to plant seeds. Whether she comes full circle or not, is up to God. But this was never a decision we could have made for her or for any of our kids.

Years ago, another mom told me that we aren’t really raising children, but parenting future adults. We have to keep our eyes on what’s to come. Train our children to make good decisions so that when we aren’t there, we can trust them to make those decisions without us.

We need to teach our children about Jesus, so when they find themselves alone, they know they can turn to Him.

Related Post: When Our Adult Children No Longer Believe

My Advise for When Your Child No Longer Believes in God

No matter what our children believe, I think the best thing we can do is stay steadfast in our own relationship with Jesus. Don’t neglect our personal spiritual health. Spend time in God’s Word and in prayer. Keep going to church. Reach out to other believers. Don’t try to walk through life on our own.

I think, it’s easy for us to feel ashamed, like we’ve failed, when our kids aren’t perfect little angels. But none of us are perfect. That’s why Jesus came. He came for us and He came for them.

The Bible encourages us to bare one another’s burdens. We can’t do that if we are afraid to admit the truth. Those around us can’t join us in prayer if we don’t tell them what we’re praying for.

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Satan loves silence. He would love if we would stew and stress in the darkness instead of letting God shine light on what we are going through and trust Him and His people with our sorrows.