Have you ever experienced joy in suffering? Lara Silverman has. In this post she shares how God met her in grief and pain with unexpected joy.

If you had told me a decade ago that I would write a Christian memoir from my sickbed about God’s presence in my deep suffering, I would have laughed. Or cried. Probably both.

I was thirty, a Stanford Law graduate, and had just landed my dream job as a federal prosecutor. I was on top of the world, and life was finally unfolding. But within a few weeks, my legs buckled. My ears quite literally stopped working, along with my brain. My vision blurred. And my world—my career, my independence, and eventually, my body—collapsed under the weight of an undiagnosed neurological illness. A rare one that had all the doctors baffled.

From there, I was bedridden for three straight years. I mean strictly bedridden. On a bed pan. Couldn’t sit up for more than thirty seconds. Couldn’t shower on my own; had to be showered on a bed. Couldn’t drive, cook, or leave the house. Most of my thirties passed in one bedroom—while my parents literally nursed me, with God’s grace.

But when all hope was lost, Matt came into the picture.

Finding Unexpected Joy

Matt Silverman was a bio-chemical engineering PhD/professor, missionary, youth group leader—and a terminal cancer patient. But when he heard about my situation, he called. Then called again. And again. His voice became a lifeline—offering not pity, but this absurd, infectious joy I couldn’t understand.

Eventually, that friendship bloomed into the love story neither of us expected. So we got married. We sang together. We laughed till it hurt, then cried when it actually did. Our wedding was literally a miracle: me, bedridden half the day, and he, a terminal cancer patient.

And just one year later, he died. He entered the glory of the Lord. The Lord he had worshiped all his life.

In the wreckage of it all, the Lord called me to write Singing Through Fire—my memoir about love, loss, illness, and the absurd, defiant joy God gave me in the middle of it all. I wrote it because I needed to remember God’s grace amidst the last eight years of chaos. I wrote it because I know I’m not the only one wondering how a good God can allow such flames. 

3 Things I Learned About Finding Joy in Suffering

Here’s what I learned in the fire about finding joy in suffering:

1.) God is present in the fire—even when we don’t feel Him

There were months when my prayers felt like voicemails left on a disconnected line. I heard all the wrong clichés: He’ll never give you more than you can handle, You just need more faith. But those words only widened the gap between me and the God I was desperate to see.

And yet—He was there.

Not in the lightning bolt. Not in the miracle. But in the still, small voice.

He was there in the sound of my parents’ comforting care when I was too weak to lift my head. In the surprise bouquet from a friend on my birthday when I was shut in one room. In the laughter that came out of nowhere during my husband’s hospice care.

As God promised in Isaiah 43:2 (ESV):
“When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

He didn’t always remove the fire. But He walked in it with me. Just like He did with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego—there was a fourth man in the flames.

Related Post: Seriously, I Don’t Need a Miracle, I Just Need Jesus

2.) God has a purpose for every pain—even the ones we hate

Let me be clear: suffering doesn’t always make sense. I still have more questions than answers. But I’ve come to see that my illness wasn’t just a detour—it was a classroom.

I learned how to receive love when I couldn’t earn it. I discovered joy not as an emotion, but as a posture. And I saw how my dear husband Matt with unshakable faith—dying from cancer—had more peace than most healthy people I knew.

Scripture doesn’t shy away from this truth. In 2 Corinthians 4:17, Paul writes:
“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”

It doesn’t mean our pain is small. It means that even our pain is doing something. It’s not wasted. It’s weight-bearing. It’s forming something in us—something eternal.

I used to pray only for healing. Now I pray for holiness. I’m still bearing chronic illness day in day, out, bedridden fifty percent of every day. But the Lord is changing me, and that’s what matters most for eternity.

3.) God calls us to have joy in grief—and we must

This is the part people don’t always believe. How could I laugh during my husband’s hospice? How could Matt sing and play flute during his chemo? How could I write a book about suffering on a bed, and have people call it hilarious?

Because joy isn’t the opposite of grief. It’s what grief can co-exist with, when you allow God to show up. 

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us: 
“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Joy became our protest. Our survival tactic. Our act of spiritual defiance in our short, one year of marriage.

There’s a scene in Singing Through Fire where Matt and I sing musicals in the hospital—he can barely breathe, I can barely keep it together—and yet we’re still belting out Broadway. That’s not denial. That’s resurrection leaking through. 

Grief will break you. But joy will build something new in its place: God’s grace.

Encouragement for the Struggle

I’m writing this blog post because I don’t want my pain to be wasted. Because someone out there thinks God has left the building—and I need her to know He hasn’t.

You are not forgotten. You are not unworthy. And your story isn’t over. Even if the redemption comes on the other side of eternity, like it will for me and Matt.

At the end of the day, I wrote Singing Through Fire because I believe God still writes beautiful stories with broken pieces, even on the cusp of eternity. Just take a look at how God brought my husband and I together: in the hottest of flames. And if He did it for me, He can do it for you.

About the Author

Lara Silverman is a Christian author, lawyer, jazz singer, and comedian. She holds a J.D. from Stanford Law School and a B.A. in Economics and Political Science from UC Berkeley. Before falling seriously ill in 2018, Lara practiced high stakes litigation for three years at Arnold & Porter Kaye Scholer LLP, where she specialized in intellectual property, antitrust, and contract cases of all kinds. In 2023, Lara co-founded The Silverman Show—a multifaceted comedy, music, and theology show—with her late husband, as they both battled serious illnesses. After her husband’s passing from cancer in June 2024, Lara debuted as Mrs. Serious in her solo Armenian comedy show online, amassing upwards of 300,000 views on Instagram. Even as she remains mostly bedridden today, she anchors her unwavering hope in God. 

Behind the recipes

Singing Through Fire

Cupcake topping chocolate cake bear claw carrot cake muffin brownie lemon drops liquorice. Biscuit tootsie roll powder icing sugar plum fruitcake donut brownie. Dessert jelly-o candy canes danish pastry apple pie tiramisu ice cream dessert. Oat cake apple pie macaroon caramels jelly beans lollipop icing.

Jelly beans danish candy canes marshmallow cotton candy sweet brownie. Sesame snaps sesame snaps chocolate jelly bear claw halvah sesame snaps brownie shortbread. Apple pie tootsie roll cupcake icing ice cream danish. Sugar plum cake jelly beans jelly cake.

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