I walked across the road in complete bliss. I had just checked my P.O. box, there was nothing special about the act in and of itself, but I did it without a migraine – and I wanted to frolic or shout or something to share my joy with the world.
That’s how many days I had a migraine. Sure, there were a few days in there where I felt okay most of the day, but I could count those days on one hand.
All the others?
All the others my head hurt to one degree or another.
On a scale of 1-10, my pain averaged about a seven. On a good day it was a four. On a really bad day, a 12.
Six months in to my struggle with daily migraines, I wrote a post titled, “Seriously, I don’t need a miracle, I just need Jesus.” I got a lot of suggestions on how to treat migraines, but that was the one that rubbed me wrong the most. As if my faith wasn’t up to snuff because my head hurt.
For the first four years my faith actually grew. I felt closer to Jesus than ever before.
But the pain wore me down. After five years of daily migraines I was ready for relief. They actually found the root cause of my daily migraines was a leak in my spinal cord. And were able to patch it. I got some relief, but my head still hurt more often than not.
And then it happened.
Earlier this month, they prescribed a new medication that kicked my migraines to the curb. I am pain free. No more daily migraines.
However my pain has definitely taken a toll. My faith did start to suffer.
Growing with God
I wasn’t able to concentrate to read my Bible. For a while I listened to the audio Bible, and that helped. But there’s something about opening the pages of Scripture and losing yourself in the pages. I missed that.
I wrote a book called, “Clinging to Jesus: Praying and Meditating on God’s Word When You’re in Pain” and I needed to go back and read it myself. But my head hurt too bad and I was frustrated with where I was in my walk with God.
Now that my migraines are gone, I’ve been struggling to get back to the relationship I had with Jesus before all this started.
And this morning I realized that that’s okay.
I’ll never have that relationship, because I’ve grown and changed. My relationship with Jesus here on out will be something new.
And that’s a good thing.
Our relationship with God is always growing. He uses life to draw us closer to Himself. Sometimes that hurts, but it’s always beneficial.
So wherever you are today, whatever struggle you’re facing. Just know that you are right where God wants to you to be. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s not what you think your relationship with God should look like, you’re safe in His embrace. Lean into Him and He will get you through.
Clinging to Jesus
Whether it’s your head, your back, your joints, or something else, when we feel miserable, we can let that awful feeling consume us. But God doesn’t give us more than we can handle with Him in our hearts. Read more in Clinging to Jesus.