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Marriage

Psalm 51: Broken Bones Rejoice

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For the past few months, the Lord has been speaking to me about submission—everyone’s favorite word. I am a pretty stubborn and strong-willed person. If I want something, I’m going to make it happen. I have a determination and drive in me that is, sometimes, unstoppable. It’s no wonder why the Lord has been speaking to me about the topic of submission.

My prayer of late has been, “Lord, I submit (surrender, embrace, etc.) to your will, your way, on your timetable.” Some days, that’s been all I can pray, and I just repeat it over and over again. I have decided to daily lay down my hopes, my dreams, and my plans to pick up His. And it’s been hard. I have many good ideas that I would like to accomplish on my terms, but I have felt this call to lay all of that down.

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How to Endure When You Feel Stuck

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I have been in a marriage I wanted out of, even sought ways to leave. By God’s stunning and undeserved grace, I stayed.

So did my husband.

But before you read that too fast, please know that getting from then until now in our marriage was a long, hard, and ugly road. 

During a recent time with the Lord, Ephesians 6:20 so captivated my heart in a fresh way. Paul asked the believers to pray for him while in prison. 

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The Good Wife I Thought I Was Before I Learned I Wasn’t

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Did you know someone wrote a manual on how to be an “excellent wife?” I. Am. Serious. It’s called The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, and she levels up “how to be a good wife.”

Before you stop reading, let me say, this isn’t really about the book. It’s about the lousy job I was doing as a wife. Before reading the book, I thought I was an excellent wife. Whether or not my husband agreed was of little importance.

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How to Overcome Bitterness & Love Again After Betrayal

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Loving someone so blindly and trusting them full-hearted shatters you when you find out they’ve betrayed you.  

The doubt was always there, and people talked, but for some reason, I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted so badly to have this picture-perfect family and a picture-perfect marriage that I ignored what was right in front of me.  

I saw the text messages, the Facebook messages, the Instagram comments, and the pictures. Still, time and time again, I convinced myself that there was nothing physically going on until I saw it with my eyes.  

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3 Ways to Rest in Jesus In The Midst Of A Storm

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Storms are funny things, sometimes you know they are coming, and sometimes they sneak up on you when you are not ready for them. Storms can last awhile, or they can be over, just ask quickly as they began. But when the bad storms come, the aftermath of the storm can be just as bad or worse than the storm itself. 

A couple of days ago my husband and I “celebrated” our 8-year anniversary. Mike lost his wedding ring the day before and losing your wedding ring the day before your anniversary often brings questions about your marriage instead of congratulations.  

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4 Ways to Love Your Husband Like Jesus

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Are you married to someone who’s really different from you?

Have you ever asked God what on earth He was thinking when He chose this man to be your spouse?

If so, you are not alone!

My husband and I are both Christians. There are some major issues that we are absolutely on the same page about. For these two foundations, I’m totally and utterly thankful. But he is an engineer, while I most definitely am not. He is an optimizer of systems, whereas I seem to create a wake of chaos wherever I go. He is an ultra-focused driver and gets frustrated with others who aren’t so focused (…why are you looking at me?!).

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An Unexpected Divorce Court Detour Saved Our Failed Marriage

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One bad year turned into two and before I knew it, we were creeping up on five years of misery. Sure we’d had some good times, but secretly our marriage felt like an episode of Marriage Bootcamp. Hard and full of drama.

Marriage was a bigger challenge than I’d ever imagined. I’d gone into it with pretty simple expectations: He’d make me happy all the time. When he didn’t, I got angry and bitter. I was sad. I got mean.

He wasn’t meeting my need for emotional intimacy. I didn’t meet his need for physical intimacy. Talk about a hot mess.

I’d go days without speaking to him, and even considered having an affair. I acted like a spoiled child, and fantasized about divorce. It was bad. I didn’t know much about God, but if He was good as everyone said He was, I couldn’t believe He’d want me to be in an unhappy marriage.

“God is love, right?” I rationalized. He’d want me to be happy.

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How To Unintentionally Sabotage Your Marriage

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The Colgate Pump saved my marriage.

When we married and our tubes became one, our union was destined for disaster.

The problem? Toothpaste.

I squeezed the tube in the middle (or at the end or wherever I picked it up). He, on the other hand, preferred we squeezed the tube starting at the very end so we could neatly roll up the empty portion of the tube as we used it.

He wanted our newly established family toothpaste tube to be smoooooth and uniform until the toothpaste was gone.

The way I saw it: Toothpaste comes out no matter where you squeeze the tube.

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I’m No Marriage Counselor (But I’m Celebrating 38 Years of Marriage)

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Thank you for all the kind comments about our daughter’s cat adventures. I’m a little in mourning because Boston went back to his owner. He was an imperfect cat but he was more like having one of my own. Ruthie says hello to all her fans. We have just spent ten days together while mommy went to Guatemala to help missionary friends. Ruthie has been very talkative, rubby, and kind of running my life, so we are both eager for mommy to get back home.

Today, however, I’d like to write about a very different topic, as indicated by the title above…

My husband, Michael, is an over-the-road truck driver. He got asked by a woman if she could take him out to lunch to talk about her marriage, which is in trouble, she said. He apologized and said he couldn’t go out with her without me.

She later said to me (we have not met in person, but are FB friends) that she would love to meet me in person, and wished he could bring me along sometime. She said it seemed like we (he and I) had a really good marriage. So it was kind of like a cry for help, for marriage advice.

She's celebrating 38 years of marriage. Here's her advice… Click To Tweet

5 Reasons We Just Celebrated 38 Years of Marriage

Marriage advice? From me? Okay, deep breath, much prayer, and here goes. While there have been more bumps in the road than smooth sailing (and quite a few mixed metaphors, cuz that’s “real life”), I think I know five reasons why we just celebrated our 38th anniversary.

1.) God is Our Center

“God is in the midst of us. We shall not be moved.” God, Michael, and I are all together. All three of us are staying put. When Jesus asked, after many disciples quit following Him, “Will you also go away?” Peter responded, “Where would we go, Lord? You have the words of life.” God brought me to Himself before I met Michael, but Michael has helped me keep following Him.

2.) We are a Team

We help each other. Case in point: The automatic garage door opener slipped off the track. I had no idea how to fix it. He came home and made it work in about five seconds. Later, I said to him, “Why don’t you use the carrying case from your old tablet for your new tablet? It will still fit and protect it and your accessories/gear.” He had been trying to figure out how to transport the new stuff and this idea hadn’t occurred to him.

We both fail in making our lives work, in different ways, but we think of things the other doesn’t. We accept the other person’s advice, or just let the other person fix it.

Related Post: The Good Wife I Thought I Was Until I Learned I Wasn’t

3.) United Forgiveness

Whatever the problem in our marriage is, it’s out there. It’s not him. It’s not me. We don’t play a bickering blame game that drives us apart. Money, sex, kids, health — they are out there. We are in here, facing them together.

Sometimes you can’t differentiate between that person you’re married to and that thing he/she is doing. Yes, we wrong each other. But try to attack the wrong action, not the person. Hate the sin, but love the sinner.

As long as we can say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong,” we can stick together and work things out in love. The person has to repent, just like we repent to God over sin, turning our backs on it, saying it’s just as bad as God says it is, and walking away in the opposite direction. Forgive one another as Christ forgives you.

4.) Become One

Change happens all around you. But you two stick it out with each other, and that typhoon that’s bound to hit will have a solid rock in the middle of it for you to hang onto. I know some people can go through life alone, but once you agree to get into that whole marriage thing, two become one, and that one can be the best life anchor imaginable.

Years ago, we made a plan to get together and live in hubby’s truck once the kids were out of school. His aunt asked me, “This is going to be a very different life from anything you’ve experienced. Are you sure you want to do this?” We threw away or gave away most of our possessions, craft supplies, books, mementos, furniture, and in essence, the house itself, and took on eight years worth of gypsy existence. But my home is where he is. Not where friends or other family are. It’s with him. If that happens to be a tractor trailer. I’m on board. We were apart too much while the kids were growing up.

5.) Communication

Talk absolutely can help. We’ve had bad, bad problems with money, kids, sex; but we will never stay together if we don’t at least try to talk.

We are trying to make video productions. I provided a sample of audio work I had done. He listened, and he didn’t say anything. He got up and set up a different way of recording sound and tried to do it himself. I took it very personally and felt like a failure. But he finally explained that his engineering training demanded that if he discovered a problem, he was supposed to provide solutions. It was just him seeing a problem and trying to solve it.

I am a shy person, and an enabler who avoids conflict, so I don’t talk candidly enough, either. Some things have to be talked about, even if it’s only to reassure the other person that this is something to face together.

What makes your marriage work? Click To Tweet

What Makes Your Marriage Work?

I’d be glad to know what makes your relationship work. Just making a list might surprise and encourage you. How do you get past the storms outside and inside and keep together? Is it one thing or a bunch of things? Please share with us.

Mary Findley

Mary C. Findley has poured her real life into her writing. From the cover designs inspired by her lifelong art studies to the love of pets and country life that worm their way into her historicals. The never-say-die heroes in her twenty-some fiction works are inspired by her husband, a crazy smart man with whom she co-writes science and history-based nonfiction. She’s a strong believer in helping others and also has books about publishing and the need to have strong standards in reading and writing.

Supplicate: The Importance of Praying for Your Husband

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In my last two posts, I’ve discussed the first two words in the acronym Y.E.S., which stands for Yield, Elevate, and Supplicate. This acronym represents three steps to becoming the wives God has called us to be. If you’d like to read all three posts from the beginning, you can start here with the first one.

The “S” in Y.E.S. stands for Supplication. Supplication is just a fancy word for speaking to God on your husband’s behalf. Some call it intercession, “standing in the gap,” or just plain old prayer. It doesn’t matter what you call it, as long as you’re doing it!

I don’t think it’s an accident that it is the last word in the acronym. Prayer is the anchor that tethers us to God, and the two-way lifeline by which we both plead for our husbands, and receive God’s Spirit-leading in our role as wife. Today, I want to share a few truths that God has been teaching me about praying for my own husband, in hopes that you will find it helpful in your own marriage.

[ctt template=”2″ link=”XbK0M” via=”no” ]Prayer is the anchor that tethers us to God–a two-way lifeline we use to plead for our husbands & God to lead us as wives[/ctt]

5 Important Truths About Praying for Your Husband

1.) When you commit to praying for your husband, you may immediately face spiritual attacks.

praying for your husbandSo picture this: you commit to pray for your husband. You take some time and lay it all out before the Lord, praying your heart out for your wonderful man. You come away from your time of supplication feeling energized, refreshed, and renewed. Praise the Lord! But wait. Not sixty seconds later, your husband comes barging into the room, furious because you squeezed the toothpaste from the middle… again. Anger wells up inside of you because not only is he being rude, but he’s being rude to the woman who just gave up twenty minutes of her time praying… for him!

Okay, so I was being funny about the toothpaste. But do you know what I’m talking about? Satan is out to destroy your marriage. The attacks you face may be as silly as the toothpaste, or they may be much, much more serious. Expect the attacks, and brace yourself for pushing through. Because you know what? Satan doesn’t call the shots; our Father is bigger than him.

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” ~ James 4:7 (NIV)

When the hard times come – and they will – press on, and press into God. Resist the devil with scripture and prayer, and he will flee.

2.) The times when you can’t stand the thought of praying for him are times he needs your prayers the most.

I have to admit that there are times when I don’t want to pray for my husband. Simply put, I don’t want him to receive God’s blessings because I’m so mad. It’s awful, but it’s true. But what I’m learning is that those are times when my husband desperately needs my prayers. They are probably the times when he is struggling the most, and in need of someone to lift him up to the Lord because he is too weak to do it himself.

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” ~ Matthew 5:44 (NIV)

Our husbands aren’t ever the enemy – the Enemy, Satan, is the real enemy. But sometimes we feel persecuted and deeply wounded by our husbands, don’t we? If we are to love our enemies and pray for our persecutors, how much more should we pray for the life partners God has called us to support, love and protect? When you feel like you can’t pray for him, just speak out the words, or pray the fruit of the Spirit, or 1 Corinthians 13, replacing his name wherever you see the word “love.” Anything you pray is going to begin to soften your heart toward him, allowing you to engage in the spiritual battle raging for your husband’s heart.

3.) The times when it seems like things are going great are times he needs your prayers the most.

This isn’t a typo! The times your husband is being mean-spirited and difficult are times he needs prayer the most. But the times when everything seems to be going well might be times when he needs your prayers even more:

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” ~ 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

What better target for a roaming devil than a husband who is attentive to his wife, a great spiritual leader, kindhearted and seeking to serve the Lord? We can’t forget to engage in battle for our husbands during the times when life is “good;” we must be alert and of sober mind!

4.) Prayer is so much more effective than complaining… but complaining is so much easier!

praying for your husbandYou may not be someone who verbally complains much about your husband, but we all think unkind thoughts from time to time, and Jesus put just as much value on our heart condition as on our actions. I have recently come to the conclusion that if I prayed for my husband as much as I complain about him in my mind, both of our lives would be so much better! Imagine how God would work in our marriage?

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” ~ James 5:16 (NIV)

I needed to confess to the Lord and to a prayer partner my grumbling attitude toward my husband, and ask for her prayers. If you don’t have a prayer partner to support you in this journey of supporting your husband through prayer, stop right now and get one! Okay…got one? Now you have someone to confess your sins to and pray with, to better equip you for the task of praying for your husband. Prayer is so much harder than complaining, but complaining isn’t effective for doing anything but damage. Your prayers on your husband’s behalf are guaranteed to be “powerful and effective”.

5.) Praying for your husband might just change you more than it changes him.

Our goal for praying for our husbands may be to see a positive change in them, but another lesson I’m learning is that praying for my husband is beginning to change me, and exposing areas of our marriage where I have room to grow.

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” ~ Hebrews 4:12 (NIV)

Whether you are actively praying scripture, or simply communing with the Living Word, you are opening yourself up to transformation.

Will you say Y.E.S. to God in your own marriage today?

Will you Yield, Elevate, and Supplicate so that God would be glorified more brilliantly in and through your marriage? I hope you will, and would love to hear your prayer requests and success stories in the comments so that we can be encouraging and supporting one another in our calling as wives.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:20 (NIV)

[ctt template=”2″ link=”05cbe” via=”no” ]Will you say Y.E.S. to God in your marriage today?[/ctt]

 

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