How to Overcome Bitterness & Love Again After Betrayal
Loving someone so blindly and trusting them full-hearted shatters you when you find out they’ve betrayed you.
The doubt was always there, and people talked, but for some reason, I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted so badly to have this picture-perfect family and a picture-perfect marriage that I ignored what was right in front of me.
I saw the text messages, the Facebook messages, the Instagram comments, and the pictures. Still, time and time again, I convinced myself that there was nothing physically going on until I saw it with my eyes.
I cried like I never cried before in my life. I had never felt so hurt, so deeply hurt, down to my soul. Broken and felt shattered inside. I felt a physical pain in my stomach, and my chest was so tight I couldn’t breathe. The gasp for air was unbearable. I had a panic attack.
I was overwhelmed with words running through my head, and I was trying to make sense of everything. It felt like my whole life was a lie. Like I was living a complete lie, this is a nightmare, but I couldn’t wake up because it was real.
How to Overcome Bitterness & Love Again (My Story)
This was my life.
I prayed every day, multiple times a day. I asked God for guidance.
Should I stay? Should I give up?
Is it worth fighting for? What am I fighting for?
He doesn’t love me, and he doesn’t care for me. He’s shown me with his actions, but why am I still holding on?
I felt like I was a good wife, prayed for my marriage every day and prayed for my husband, but why wasn’t that enough? What did I do wrong to deserve this?
After I decided this marriage was officially over, I remembered Matthew 19:8-9.
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:8-9 NIV
I thought to myself, “He did commit sexual immorality, so I’m off the hook, right? “
Between more prayers, more tears, and more sleepless nights, I held on to Psalm 147:3 as God pulled me through the hurt.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3 NIV
But it took years.
God's promise to pull you through tearful, sleepless nights: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3) Share on X
How to Overcome Bitterness with Jesus
After being betrayed, you get into this bitterness state. You don’t think love is real, everyone lies, all those relationships you see on social media you feel are fake, but this is only thoughts of the hurt.
You question yourself, are you worthy? Is there someone out there for you? Will they appreciate you?
How can you trust someone again?
In order to move on from this bitterness, from the hurt, from the betrayal, and be able to love again, you have to process the hurt. Once you’ve processed the hurt, then you release and let go to God.
You cannot stay stuck on the hurt, or else you won’t be able to move on, and you won’t be able to trust if you remain stuck on the hurt you can block your blessings and end up hurting those around you.
God helped me process and then release the hurt. After I released it, I had peace.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7 NIV
This calming peace of mind and peace in my soul was nothing I had ever experienced before. And this peace comes from God alone.
If you've been hurt, you can find healing and be at peace again… Share on XLearning to Loving Again
I then focused on myself, my daughter, and my relationship with God, and slowly the missing pieces of my life started coming together again. I found a new partner who is a God-fearing man; he loves me, respects me, and treats me like a queen.
But this wouldn’t have been possible if I had stayed in that bitterness state and not let God work in my heart.
Join the Conversation
Are you in a state of bitterness or hurt or know someone who is? Is there anything that you need to release to God and let Him work in your heart? Or did you overcome bitterness in your life and have a success story you can share?
I would love to hear your stories! Join the conversation in the comments below. And if you know anyone who you may think can benefit from my story, please feel free to share it with them.
About the Author
Heidy Reynoso is a blogger, poet, and works as a Medical Billing and Coding specialist. She has a Master’s Degree in Healthcare Administration. Heidy has served in her church as an adult leader for the youth ministry, attended growth group/small groups. Heidy enjoys reading, writing, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, traveling and spending time with her family.
If I’m honest, I’m currently in the bitterness state right now post-betrayal of one of my closest friends. Trust has been completely shattered in our relationship, and it genuinely feels so disingenuous to even consider reconciliation right now. I am so tremendously hurt that someone who says they love me could betray me in this way, and it makes it hard to believe she actually does love me at all. I’ve been really uncomfortable sitting in this processing phase, because my gut response is to minimize how I’m feeling to keep the peace (I’m a recovering people pleaser with a lot of uncomfortable conflict happening in my life right now). All of this feels extremely unnecessary, but I can’t help but consider how Jesus handled this. He let the Father comfort him. He knew it served a part in God’s larger purpose for his life and the world. I guess I never took time to process betrayal before, and I feel like I’m being unforgiving for being honest about how I feel. I really don’t like this process because it’s uncomfortable. I’ve had to face a very difficult truth that I don’t trust God to vindicate me and I doubt that He’s just, as if his mercy undermines that. Because he’s just, he’s merciful. I guess it’s been really hard because my friend avoids accountability like the plague. This situation is embarrassing to admit I’m in, but I’m just trying my best to be like Jesus through it all. This article was really validating, and I’m grateful.
I went through betrayal a year ago. I went on for 8 months according to chats i discovered. Married for 18 years with 4 kids. Just got through one of my episodes again. Was cheated on by a type of person i despise. Not married, 4 kids with two different woman, still staying in parents’ backyard. Trusted my wife unconditionally. Went through the most difficult season of my life prior to this. Trying to connect to God. Full of bitterness. Hope something terrible happens to them. I know all is wrong, but i still feel they can feel what i’m feeling. Hope I find peace one day. Only light through this all is my kids. Was always there for them. I am training almost daily just to keep busy and keep my demons silent.